hurtful people

Learning How to Say NO

This has always been a personal struggle of mine. I always worry about hurting someone’s feelings, so I end up being overly nice and accommodating to those that just want nothing more than to use and or abuse. This year I have finally figured out that it’s ok to say no to these types of people. It’s not me being purposely hurtful to them by denying them what they want.. it’s me standing up for myself and saying no to their behaviors. It’s me saying that it’s not okay for you to do things that hurt me. It’s very empowering to take back that part of your life and let go of that kind of fear.

Many Blessings,
ravensig

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The Most Deadly Virus

WP_20140715_016It’s a nasty, terrible virus. The side effects are the worst of all. The good thing is that it affects only those who allow it. So you do have a choice in the matter at least. Once you have this ghastly virus, it can be extremely hard to get rid of. THERE IS A CURE!!  YES indeed.. A CURE!!!

What virus am I talking about?

This virus is the negativity of others. Hateful, hurtful words and actions of others that get stuck in your head. The pain of rejection from someone else because you didn’t match whatever fantasy they had cooked up in their own head, that’s not really about you, it’s about them and what they had imagined, they are the ones living in fantasy.. don’t allow their voice, their words, their actions get stuck in your head, causing you pain and heartache. Some people are just nasty characters who strive in the misery of others… putting others down, makes them feel better about themselves. Don’t catch their virus. It’s deadly! It’s keeps us from shining, it keeps us down in their muck and let me tell you, nothing good ever happens there. This virus is so damaging, it can hang around for years and for some a lifetime.

Wash your hands of these virus carrying monsters and cleanse your mind of everything about them. They don’t belong in your life or your head. Let their words and actions fall upon the ground around you, don’t give them an inch of room in your head. Let them keep what they send out.

Many Blessings,
Raventalker

Wash your hands

Abusive People

crow and mockingbirdThis morning I was reading a post by a friend, she spoke about a dream she had that her mother was in. It turns out that her mother was a very angry, negative and abusive person. In the dream, my friend had hoped that her mother might apologize or at least show some remorse for what she had done. That, of course never happened.

I have thought about what I could say to ease the pain of that friend and had a realization that I hope helps many. You see, I know a lot about abusive people, as I have been around them far more than I like to reflect upon. I had an abusive spouse that was abusive in every way that one could be. I grew up with a mother that never saw the sunshine, only the rain. Her entire life revolved around pain and misery and she was more than happy to spread it around. Let’s not forget those abusive friendships, abusive work relationships/encounters, etc.

So, while pondering what words of advice I could give to help my friend move past this pain, I began to think about all the abusive people I’ve encountered in my lifetime. It all really came down to something so simple and true.

All the pain, misery, abuse and negativity that comes from someone is because of them. It is not because of you or anything you have done. It is not any failing on your part, but on theirs. People are angry, abusive, negative, and hurtful because of themselves and their own past. They were not born this way but somewhere down the line they allowed themselves to become it.

You are not the root of how they behave… You were just simply there. 

The best way to let it all go is to forgive them for not being able to rise above their own history and become something better than what has happened to them. Forgive yourself for allowing their issues to get inside your own head and cause you pain. Forgive and let it go. Holding on to the pain doesn’t make them any better a person, it doesn’t change what they did or what they will do in the future. It changes nothing. It holds you back from moving forward and from finding your own peace. Let it go. Forgive.

Many Blessings,
Raventalker